Hi! It’s been a really long time since I wrote a blog post about myself, or just a post in general. I know you’ve seen it everywhere from everyone — 2020 has been one heck of a year. I had so many plans for the new year, and almost nothing has gone how I intended. I’m sure there’s not a single person that feels like anything happened how it was supposed to. And I’m not going to sugar coat anything, I was basically miserable the majority of this lockdown. Quarantine is definitely not a word I ever want to hear again once this virus is under control!
I’m going to preface that I do understand the severity of the virus. I’m not writing this post to have some pity party for myself, to have people feel bad for me, or to disregard other people’s hardships. This post is just me wanting to reflect on the year I’ve had and how it’s honestly made me a way stronger person. Stronger than I ever thought I could be. I’ve learned a whole lot from everything that’s happened, and in a weird way, I’m thankful everything played out the way it did. So let’s start from the beginning.
I left my toxic work environment
I graduated college in 2018, and during the summer that followed, I was offered a job to coach my high school’s dance team. I was hired to coach the 8th and 9th graders while the moderator I had when I was on the dance team coached the senior high girls. I was very fortunate to be in the right place at the right time to be thought of for this position. I accepted immediately, putting all the negative feelings I had for the moderator and band director 4 years prior behind me. (High school was not great for me, and they were a large part of why my senior year was dreadful) I just knew I wanted to work in the dance industry, and this job would give me experience. It would also allow me, the moderator, and the band director to move forward as adults.
My first year coaching was a huge success. The girls quickly became attached to me because I cared about them and pushed them to be better dancers. It was never my intention to do the bare minimum. They received very positive feedback from parents and students, and it only made them want to be pushed more and have even better performances. I honestly think people were more excited to see my junior high team perform than they were to see the senior high dancers. After the school year ended, I was brought in to the band director’s office to be congratulated on a successful year and told he wanted to give me more responsibility because of how great I’ve been. At the start of the next school year, that all quickly changed.
Now onto my second year coaching, I go in with the mindset “business as usual.” Why would I do anything different if the year before was such a success? Well, to my surprise, everything was apparently different. All of a sudden, I was being accused of making my girls dance like strippers, and every single dance was looked at under a magnifying glass with a fine tooth comb. Every dance had issues for them. Despite being made fun of, being yelled at in the middle of the band hall, being told I wasn’t qualified to teach the girls the right way, I still tried to please them. I took dance moves they didn’t like out of dances, I offered to change songs they were performing to… nothing was good enough. I was no longer good enough. Between the calls and nasty text messages and being constantly antagonized, I had enough. This all went on for 6 months. I stood by my girls, continued to fight the fight, and did my absolute best to make their year a good one. But February 2020 was my breaking point.
I became so stressed from this job that I lost my period for 4 months. I cried myself to sleep after staying up all hours of the night reworking dances to please them. While I drove to the school everyday, I would belt the song “Don’t Feel Like Crying” by Sigrid. I gave it my all and then some, and one day I woke up and realized I’m better than this. I was torn up by the idea of leaving my girls, but I was suffering mentally and physically. I didn’t want them to have another coach that didn’t care about them. I haven’t seen them since the day I didn’t show up for practice, and I really hope they don’t hate me. I told them everything that was happening to me, so I’d like to think they understood. I know how talented I am — I’m a great choreographer, and I really care about the well-being of my dancers. I just now know that people don’t change when they’re threatened or faced with knowing that you’re a better person than them. I hope those individuals that hurt me find a way to be better for the sake of my girls and any other girl that will be a member of the team.
I wasn’t able to move out of state
Despite being raised and living in Louisiana, I was not born here, nor did I ever feel like it was home growing up. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED going to school at LSU and wouldn’t change that for anything. But in elementary and high school, I felt out of place. At home, I would hear about New Jersey things — going to a Giants football game, driving into NYC and spending the weekend watching broadway shows, my mom’s high school, etc. Which is why I love New York and sports so much! But at school, I didn’t share many of the same interests with anyone. Different outdoor hobbies, different football team, Mardi Gras, way of life, you name it. Now these differences didn’t ruin my life or anything, but it made me different. Which I know isn’t a bad thing now lol but as a young girl, I always thought I was weird for not being “from” Louisiana. It didn’t make it any easier that my town is relatively small. I’ve always had an itch to live in a bigger city, and 2020 was my year to move out of state.
From when I was a junior in high school, I knew I did not want to live in Louisiana anymore. I applied to 10 other schools out of state just so I could leave. I ultimately chose LSU after visiting the campus and falling in love; furthermore, I also received a lot of in-state scholarships. Like I said before, no regrets going there! But after graduating, it just made that desire to leave even stronger. I moved back home and left my perfect one bedroom apartment behind, for what? A coaching job that made my life miserable? Being 2 hours away from the city I had grown to love for the last 5 years? What made things harder was that I finally had my mom and grandmother get on the same page as me. We were all going to move and leave my childhood home behind. We started talking about the move and getting things lined up. We didn’t have a city or state pinned down, but we wanted to be ready when I finished my job in April/May. We all know March through June became the height of quarantine, businesses closing, and most importantly to me, the housing market plummeting.
Needless to say, my spirits were crushed, and for those few months, I was the saddest I have ever been in my life. I still get emotional about the thoughts of feeling trapped, still living in a city I don’t love, and just not being happy for so long. I’m still not “happy,” but I’m in a much better place. For the first half of the year, I dwelled on the fact I couldn’t move when I wanted to. I’m more motivated than ever to keep the ball rolling and make a life for myself outside of Louisiana. It’s still difficult to stay positive about it, but we have made good progress at my house already! One of my 2021 goals is to not put pressure on myself to get out as soon as possible. I need to give myself grace and know that my move will happen when the timing is right. And even though this was a setback for me, not everything that happened this year was negative.
I worked with a lot of great dance teams
I’ve worked for American All-Star for the past 4 years. I’m a dance instructor who travels to put on various camps throughout the summer. We typically get teams ready for the upcoming school year by teaching performance routines and hosting competitions for them! I was very nervous that because of the virus, this would not be able to happen. We did have a late start, but I managed to travel to 8 different schools, and I had the best time! The majority of them I had never worked with before, so it was really nice to meet new girls. And for the teams I had worked with, I was happy to see them and how much they had grown in the year between camps. I actually worked back to back camps in Mississippi, and I turned that into a 3 day getaway to Biloxi! The trip I desperately needed after being trapped in my house for so long before. I absolutely love my AAS job, and I’m thankful I could still do it even with the craziness of this year!
I had a great 25th birthday
For a large majority of my birthdays, I often did nothing or had plans fall through. Between hurricanes, rained out swimming parties, friends bailing last minute, or just being busy, I didn’t celebrate many. This year I definitely wanted to do something special because I wanted to have my friends meet each other and us all have a fun night together! That weekend is honestly one I’m never going to forget! My birthday is October 2, and it fell on a Friday this year. I got “25” balloons and drove up to Baton Rouge, where we all ate dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We ended the night going to the 13th Gate, a local haunted house that had opened for the season that day.
The following day I came back home, got my nails done at my favorite salon, and went with my boyfriend to eat dinner in New Orleans. It was both of our first times eating at the steakhouse called Chop House. I ate one of the best meals of my life! We got a piece of chocolate cake that was bigger than my head lol! The following day I got back in the car to come to Baton Rouge again (I know, lots of driving) to help my friend at an event. Angela opened her business, Blush and Rouge Boutique, in July, and this was going to be her first in-person event. The blowout sale was a major success for her, and I was so happy to help and support her that day!
I have been on LTK for a year!
Last but not least, I have to talk about how I began blogging in the first place! This is honestly so hilarious to me. So I met Angela at the end of 2019, and she had already been a blogger for about a year. I knew nothing about blogging or being an influencer on Instagram, but she would talk to me about it. I also took a few pictures of her when we would grab lunch or coffee, so she could post them. Throughout her year of blogging, she had applied to be on the LiketoKnow.it app twice. If you are unfamiliar with what that is, it’s a platform where influencers can share their clothing items and receive commission if someone purchases an item through their link. Angela had been denied 2 different times, and if you’re denied, you have to wait a few months before applying again. She told me about the app and how bad she wanted to be on it, and I got curious.
Angela was getting married in January, so she had her bachelorette trip in late November. I didn’t know her too well then, so I wasn’t invited lol I’m sure I’d be there now if she was getting married this year. A few days before she left, I told her I was going to apply for LTK. My mindset was that I wanted to show her that it was really difficult to get on the app and have her not feel bad about not getting on. I’m sure she didn’t know anyone she could talk to about not getting on, so I applied. THE FOLLOWING DAY I received my acceptance email…. I was so shocked and waited until she got home from her trip to break the news. She was of course fine and supportive about me doing it, but I felt really bad. (She did get accepted 2 months later, so all is well) I took me being accepted as a sign that I needed to start a blog. I wanted to for years, but I was scared people would make fun of me for it, so fear held me back.
I can’t believe it’s coming up on a year since I started this blog! I’m so sad that this year affected me so poorly. At the beginning of this virus and quarantine, I had just launched my blog and began regularly posting on Instagram and LTK. That quickly died out because I felt unmotivated and all the other events I spoke about above negatively impacted my mood. I love blogging and sharing my finds on LTK for others to see, and I wish I hadn’t made so many excuses as to why I wasn’t posting or talking on stories. In 2021, that’s not going to happen. I have about a year of doing this under my belt, and I’m ready for the new year. I’m excited to see what next year has in store for me and my blog!
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